BPG

BDO yesterday. The first festival I actually snuck into. Why? My ticket source lost the tickets - which can’t be helped I know - so snuck us in instead. Looking back it wasn’t that bad, my friend and I didn’t have wristbands but there was only about an hour of daylight left after we got in so no one was going to notice anyway. 

If I was pissed off about it, it only lasted a little bit. We got there in time to see Kitty, Daisy & Lewis play which was perfect for getting me happy again. Their music was incredible. 

Of course, I wanted to see Tonite Only for a little bit,

Then it was off to Foster the People …. And my oh my were they amazing. 

Mark Foster - you complete me. You are just so amazing in every different way. I wish I knew you, but considering my track record with personally knowing famous people I think it’s better that I adore you from 30 plus metres back from the stage and only seeing you in music videos. 

After Foster the People finished, the next people we wanted to see as Nero, and they weren’t on for a while so we went to see Art vs. Science (what is that like the 4th time I’ve seen them now?) But you know what, they are always good. 

I figured that we may as well get our way in to the front of the stage early so we were at least going to get a good view of Nero. And that we did! VERY FRONT, RIGHT UP ON THE BARRIERS THANK YOU VERY MUCH! It was the first time I had danced to dubstep, and I actually kind of like it! I can’t believe I’m saying that.

So all in all, it was a decent day, and if it wasn’t for one person I wouldn’t have seen anyone at BDO at all and it shouldn’t matter about the rain/ loss of tickets/ only seeing them for 30 seconds when I snuck in. 

Which is why I come to my “Ending the Chapter” part. 

I’ve been seeing someone amazing recently. We’re not official yet, but I know we will be soon. I knew yesterday was going to be the last time I was going to see … And you may only understand this if you’ve been following me for a while… The last time I was going to see the person who I’ve had feelings for for the past 2 years. Nothing more would ever have happened than seeing him whenever he was in town, but still that was enough for me if that was all I could get. 

And for the last 2 years I have waited in anticipation for every time he comes to play in brisbane or the coast. But I want it to stop, I want my feelings for him to end - And I want to be with someone properly. I want to put my time, effort and emotion into someone who will give it back. 

And last night, after not seeing them at the festival for long, I wanted to see them afterwards. My friend and I had driven from Brisbane to the festival so we drove back after it finished and my plan was to drive back to the coast again to see him. Only to arrive at the Coast at 1am and then call him - and discover his phone was off. So I had to drive back to Brisbane and not see him at all.

This person has only ever done nice things for me. He is honestly one of the nicest people I’ve ever met… He told me that he would never do anything to hurt me and he never has. Any time I’ve ever been upset about ‘him’ is only because of me and the way I feel. It never has anything to do with his actions being wrong.

So after last night, knowing he did nothing wrong and even though I didn’t have a perfect time - it wasn’t his fault. So me making a decision to end this chapter of my life and finally letting myself move on is somewhat easier knowing there’s no bad feelings and just my personal choice.

I am promising to myself that if I’m in a relationship with anyone, I won’t see him if he comes to Brisbane.

I am sad … But knowing that I have the chance to have a real relationship with someone who I really like, who likes me back… Is a precious and rare feeling and I want to do what’s best for me and the new person.

Because I haven’t known  for sure if I was going or not until yesterday, I haven’t been able to get that excited about BDO. 

But I have handmade something to wear that makes me look like a total rockstar (appropriate for the festival I think!) And I am wearing all black, with silver chains/ studs, and my outfit includes PANTS. Long pants. Granted they are so thin it’s almost wrong to call them pants but nevertheless I’m wearing pants for the first time to a festival.

Actually I rarely wear pants. 

But it looks awwwwesome so I’m very happy. And I also won’t be getting to the festival until 5pm or something which sucks BUT I have to collect my tickets from someone who doesn’t even fly in to GC airport until 3.30 this afternoon. 

Which makes wearing pants all that much better if I’m not getting there until later. 

Can’t wait to see Tonite Only, FOSTER THE PEOPLE, Nero, Kanye, ummmm who else is on late? Let me have a look. Architecture in Helsinki? If I’m there in time haha. My guess is the lineup to get in might take a whiiiile. But I seriously don’t care, I’m just over the moon to be back at my first festival since CREAMFIELDS last year.

Yes, I really am that sad, and didn’t go to any other festivals after Creamfields. Although I did go VIP to every festival I went to last year. Even though it was only 3.

So I’m off to start my long routine of getting festival ready. If you see a girl walking around who looks like Cassie Van, it’s me.